Duty
by powertrash
Summary: Rachel talks to Tobias for the last time. One shot.


Rachel's POV

So it came down to this after all. I didn't consider, years ago, when I pushed my hand against the smooth blueness, that I would lose everything in the battle. I don't know if it would have been different if I had known. I doubt it. My death certificate was signed as soon as Tobias saw Elfangor in the sky. And I know it's down to the final moments and the countdown is on. I know it's almost over, and I guess I'm sad that I won't be here to see the end. But I can't do anything about it now.

I've been asked a million times what I would do if I only had one day to live. Would I spend my time with my family? Would I do everything I never had a chance to do in life? Would I just fuck it all and go to Disneyworld?

All the answers I've ever heard seem trite now that I'm staring death in the face. And I know what I want to do. I want to spend it with him.

Yeah, Tobias. My neurotic bird-boy boyfriend. I-I love him, you know? And the only thing that's holding me back from facing my death is the future we might have had.

It was an impossible match to begin with, even before he was a bird. But somehow we found what we needed in each other. And it would have worked out. We could have made it work out. I would give up almost anything for him. Anything but this war.

And as much as I didn't want to lie to his face and pretend everything was fine, I needed to see him more than anything else in the world. And somehow, I guess he knew this because he was there. Just walking up to me, human. And Jesus, looking at his face…I would have sold my soul to Satan for one more day with him.

"Hey, Rachel."

"Hey. What's up?"

"I brought some food. Marco's dad made it. He's a pretty good cook."

I laughed, "Too bad it didn't rub off on Marco. Remember when he volunteered to make us dinner?"

"Yeah. Jake was pretty pissed off that he wasted so much food." Tobias grinned at me.

"Hey, do you remember when we went after that giant sperm whale together?"

Tobias laughed, "And it almost killed you?"

"Hey!" I protested, "I had it all under control."

"Sure you did. Do you remember the first time we went flying?"

"Yeah. Oh, man…"

"You stole that guy's gun, remember?"

I laughed, "Oh, and when we saved that suicidal man's life?"

"You know, I heard he escaped from the hospital a few days after that. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

I cast him my best innocent glance, "Who? Me?"

"Do you remember when we saved the Hork-Bajir?"

"Or when we saved the Iskroot?"

"Or the Leeran?"

"We kicked some serious butt, didn't we?"

"It's hard to believe it's almost over."

_No, it's only almost over for me. _"Yeah, I know."

"What are we gonna do, Rachel? I mean," he said, suddenly embarrassed, "would you still want to be with me?"

I looked at him, and Jesus, I could barely keep from breaking down in tears. "More than anything else in the world, Tobias."

"I think it'll be okay," he said softly, "I mean, when it's over. It'll be okay if I have you."

I ran my fingers over his cheek, "You'll always have me. No matter what."

He kissed me softly, "I don't know if I could survive without you."

I looked away, blinking the tears back, lacing my fingers in between his. And suddenly I wished I didn't have to be tough Rachel. I wished I could just dissolve and cry and throw this stupid war to hell. I wished I didn't become the badass chick and I wished I didn't have be the one who died. But once you get into a part, it's hard to stop playing it. I couldn't break down now, with everything depending on me.

He leaned his head on my shoulder, resting there with the rest of the world. And suddenly everything felt real, so real and so heavy, but I kept my eyes open and looked up into the night sky. I'd be going up there tomorrow, and I knew I wouldn't be coming back down. I'm not the praying type, but that night felt like I was on my knees, begging whatever power is up there that everything will somehow be okay. But even if it isn't, I guess I can't do anything about it now.

As stupid as it sounds, I have a duty to do. And my future, well, that was only a dream.


End file.
